When your kids were small, they used to tell you everything after coming back home. They used to tell you even if you did not ask. You had to listen even if you did not have time. Today you run behind them asking what they did the whole day. Does it not happen? Earlier they used to come behind us to tell us things, today we run behind them. But they close their room doors and add passwords on their phones. They do not tell you even if you ask them. And if you pressurize them to answer, they may not say the truth. Where and when did the relationship change?
They used to tell us everything, but now they have stopped telling us. Why? Because when they were small and shared things, we would feel happy to listen to them. We used to accept them. Every soul needs acceptance. So when they shared things while were small, we used to feel happy and accept them as they were. They used to tell us something daily. Once they grew up, they came to you and suppose they told you “Mom you know what happened today, we bunked classes and we went for a movie“. How did we react to that? Did we smile? No.
That kid shared it using his habit of honesty, just as he did when he was younger. But that day from our side, instead of acceptance he got rejection for the first time. After a few days he said something else and again got rejection from us. So gradually he stopped telling us. We thought he stopped doing those things. But he did not stop doing anything, he only stopped telling us.
Is going to a movie by bunking school wrong? Is it wrong for them to try a cigarette if they are at a party? Is it wrong to come back late in the night from a party? Is it wrong to over-speed his car when driving? Yes it is. But when everyone in the class is going out and if someone does not go they make fun of him and then they separate him from their group. He wants to be a part of that group. Now is it right for him to feel tempted to go? But we did not say this to our kid that day. We had to say and we had to believe that “you feeling like that, like doing what everyone around you is doing. Your feeling like doing whatever is in the vibration around you. It is right from your side.” If you had spoken like that, your kid would have come so close to you. And then you could have told him “whatever you are thinking of doing, it is not right for you. You are right, but that thing is not right for you.” Is there a difference between them?
You are right. Your temptation is also right. But, this thing is not right for you. Now you got their respect, they became closer to you. So there is a higher chance that they will be influenced by what you say. But we said, “You are wrong. What are you doing? Is this what I taught you? What will people say?” Kids will distance themselves from you. Now they will start bunking classes and not even tell you. In today’s world if you want to protect your children then there is only one way and that should be they should be able to come and tell you everything happening in their life. And that everything may not be what you always will like. You had to listen and to respond politely as you used to do when they were younger, but you didn’t.
We as mentors receive long emails from children about so many issues they have and the last line of every email states, “Please do not tell my parents“. And that is why there are counselors in schools, colleges and universities today. What is the difference between a counselor and a parent? Why is there a difference between a counselor and a parent? When we were in school there were no counselors. Today every school is mandated to have a counselor. Why does a child go to an absolute stranger to talk about his problems, instead of going to his parents? Why?
A counselor won’t scold and the most important thing, if you are a counselor and if I come and tell you that I made this mistake. Not just a mistake, suppose I have committed a huge blunder. It is possible for children to commit blunders today. If I come and tell you then while listening to me, within you, there will be no critical or judgmental thought created for me. So when there is no such thought created within you about me then what kind of vibration will I get from you? Respect and acceptance in spite of what I have done. This is unconditional acceptance. And because I am getting those vibrations from you, I am comfortable telling everything. But what happens when the child says the same thing to his parents? Not just in words, even in thoughts. This (negative) vibration stops the child from telling us anything. And then who will help them?
A counselor can only listen to them. But they cannot give love, power and blessings like parents. So the need of the hour is that every parent will need to become counselor. And which means that every soul will need to become a counselor to every other soul. Which means that we will see the soul, their habit, their behavior but inside? No critical or judgmental thoughts and no questioning their behavior. But we will be able to do it only when we will remember, He is a soul carrying his habit. If parents criticize him. So the child who already has carried pain with him if he gets criticized and gets ridiculed then what happens to the power of the soul? It will get further depleted. Even when his physical body grows, today the body is 5 years old, tomorrow it will be 50 years old. But what will keep happening to the soul? (Keeps depleting). So parents should be healer and healer means which will heal every soul.